I often times find myself blankly thinking about nothing in particular.
Thinking about thinking.
I am thinking, I guess, but I donâ€™t know that thinking about thinking actually constitutes thinking. Its like painting a painting. Is that art or just reproduction? I lean to reproduction.
When I take note of what it is that I am thinking about when I find myself unproductively sitting motionless often times I find myself in internal dialog with myself, debating the nature of my thoughts. What the hell is that and why can I not stop it? Why can I not be Einstein and actually think about something worthwhile like relativity or pondering facilitating some unknown need of the masses? Instead I find my self innately thinking about….. thinking.
I have concluded this to be an (mostly) unproductive and fruitless mindset, a mindset so deeply ingrained within my inner being that I cannot manage to weed the lil fucker out. I have however been attempting to (very unsuccessfully). I feel that this time in my grey matter could more efficiently applied to solving world impacting problems or wrapping my mind around the inherency of derived classes and data structures but still… I find myself thinking…. about thinking.
Am I alone in this? Trapped in my own internal devices and left solely at their mercy…helpless. Do not let me leave you with the impression that this internal place is a dark or horrible one, actually it closely resembles ‘lala land’ which is usually a relatively pleasant place for most, just entirely unproductive. My place , where I go when I am thinking about thinking, is equally unproductive but without the euphoria of the land of lala.
I dunno.. maybe I am crazy or just a self-centered underachiever (that underachiever part is an absolute known, not maybe). You, the 1-2 ppl who actually read this, am I alone in this or do you often times too find your self thinking about nothing in particular outside of pondering what exactly it is that you are thinking or am i fucking crazy for having to think about what it is that I am thinking? Never-the-less, I know I am crazy (something I take comfort and pride in actually – who the fuck wants to be normal?) I just wondered if this was one more prime example of my ever expanding lunacy or just some inherent, innate part of all human cognition….
Well, now, I am done… time to think some more… about…. thinking about thinking.